IT TAKES A VILLAGE….
I arrived back in Mount Kisco, NY 3 days ago, on Tuesday. I still haven’t unpacked. I want to go to the hospital every day to see my amazing daughter. She is such a fighter. She improves every day. Of course, her husband Geoff is there every day, as usual, from 8:00 am to 8:00 pm with some breaks in between. Her brothers, friends, father and his wife, and I try never to leave her alone. She has someone there every minute of day.
She is becoming frustrated because she is convalescing in a nursing home with 90 something year old patients. The nurses can’t seem to distinguish between her and them. They respond to her husband and not to her. She tells them, “I may have a brain injury and get a little confused, but I am not incompetent”. My girl is back. She wants to get to Burke to do her rehab, but she still cannot put weight on her legs yet. It may be two more weeks.
We are her family; we are her village. We go every day to advocate on her behalf. He brother Chuck stays till 9:00 pm some nights to make sure she eats something before they give her the last pain meds, because she wakes up with a stomach ache in the morning, if she doesn’t. Her friend Maggie has been helping out first thing in the morning, around 7:00 am to be there when the night aide leaves. Then her husband takes over from around 8:00 am till sometime in the afternoon when I come to relieve him for a few hours, so he can go home to do some chores or get in some exercise. I take her for rides around the building or the courtyard in her wheelchair. Today we were in the courtyard with Geoff and Chuck for two hours in the warm sunshine. Her high school friend Tracy came with flowers, cakes, presents, and a tray of pasta for Geoff and Abby. Her friends and relatives have been visiting everyday and are amazed at the progress she is making. Then Geoff comes back to have dinner with her, while I go take care of Abby some nights. Geoff and I alternate on putting her to bed. Her father or his wife, a couple of her brothers or sisters-in-laws comes in to help keep up her spirits. This is our DAILY routine. This is her village. We are her family.

HO ME SWEET HOME
Finally, Tonianne arrived in New York today at the sub-acute facility where she will be convalescing for the next 6 to 8 weeks. Then it’s off the Burke for rehabilitation. Her employer arranged for a medical air transport to bring her home. Geoff accompanied her home on the plane and is at her bedside, as usual.
I am still in Florida with Abby, to close up the house and get back to NY asap. We hope to get Abby back in school in NY. by next week. This process will be challenging, so as not to upheaval her life too much. She has become accustomed to her Florida school and her new friends. When I look into those big blue eyes, I can just see the wheels turning, trying to process all that is happening to her in her short little lifetime. But, then again, she is my daughter’s daughter, and she is strong and amazing, just like her Mama!
I am looking forward to coming home. I hope that I can spend more time with Tonianne than I have been able to down here. There will be a greater support system, with all the relatives and friends willing to help in any way they can. This experience has really opened my eyes as to what a gift all of you are to our family. Just hearing from everyone, and responding to my blogs about Tonianne, etc. have shown me what an amazing circle of friends and family we are blessed to have. I have not been able to speak with many of you on the phone because every time I talk about it, I break down. Right now I cannot afford to waste my energy feeling sorry for myself. I need all my strength to take care of a little girl who needs me. I am trying to do everything that Tonianne would want done for Abby. That in itself is a challenge, as I can never be the dynamic woman and Mom that she is; plus the fact that I am 64, and my 4 year old granddaughter outsmarts me most of the time. Either she is too smart or I am too old!
I feel that we are on the road to recovery—Tonianne physically, and our family emotionally. I thank God every day for her amazing progress, and pray for the strength to carry on to the end of this journey. The Doctors and Nurses are amazed at her recovery. With all the prays that have been offered up for Tonianne, I can’t see how it could have turned out any differently.

Tonianne was moved to a new floor over the weekend. All of a sudden, she was moved from the stepdown floor of ICU where she was constantly monitored, to a regular room. Geoff argued with the staff that she was not ready, but the head nurse and doctor approved the move and it was done within an hour. They said they felt that she was stable and someone else needed the bed. Well, somehow, this little person, maybe now 100 lbs., climbed over the rails of her bed in the middle of the night and was screaming in pain until a nurse saw her on the floor. She is bruised on her bad arm, and has a bruise on her lower back. The staff, of course, was apologetic, but now my daughter screams in pain. X-rays were taken of her broken bones, and we were told that no damage was done. My question is, if the bars were up on the bed, and the bed alarm was activated, how did she get as far as the floor? With her entire torso full of broken bones, how did she manage to climb over the rails of her bed?
When I saw her these last few days, she kept begging me to please help her; to take her home. I explain that I can’t do that; but what Geoff and I can do is to never leave her alone during the day. He stays with her from 7 or 8 a.m. till the nighttime. I relieve him every day for a few hours, but he is constantly by her side, advocating for her, while I care for Abby. It breaks my heart that this extremely intelligent woman, so knowledgeable and wise, is reduced to tears. I want to cry with her and for her when she cries in pain. But, I tell her that if I take her home now, she will never walk again, but if she stays and works with the doctors and nurses, she will be back to her old self in no time. I tell her that her recovery may take as much as 6 months, but what’s 6 months when compared to a lifetime. I thought I lost her on that horrible day, but God has given us a second chance and we must be strong. When she gets upset because she is confused, I tell her not to stress about it. I explain that her brain is like a bowl of spaghetti, all jumbled up. Soon all the squiggles will unravel and she’ll think straight again.
My daughter never ceases to amaze me. She is so strong; I am in awe of her. With all her agony, she’s worried about her job. She wants to know who’s doing her work. She told me that she loves her job, and they love her. She had this big smile on her face; I could tell it brought her joy, just thinking about it. The more we talk, the more she remembers. The doctors say she will never remember the accident, which is good.
Her strength continues to amaze the doctors and nurses. Every days she meets and conquers new challenges. The catheter was removed this morning and she is doing well with that. The physical therapist put her in a wheel chair today, and I brought her outside to see her beloved dog, Jessie. There was this huge smile on her face; Jessie was more concerned with the automatic doors opening and closing. This activity made her very, very tired, so I decided not to bring Abby in the same day. I hope to surprise her little girl tomorrow with a special trip to see her mommy. I hope I am doing the right thing, but she keeps asking for her, and Tonianne is dying to see Abby, also.
We will be back in N.Y. in the very near future….maybe this weekend. There is so much to do, so much to take care of, that my head is spinning. We must now re-acclimate Abby to her surroundings. Just how much can this little one take? I hope that once she is home in her own house, she will be better. I hope so, for all our sakes.

Six Degrees of Separation
Did you ever hear the theory that the entire world is connected by six degrees of separation? That means that I know someone who knows someone, who knows someone, etc. (six times) who knows me. Well, this is what has happened to my family.
Tonianne has progressed so much that they are allowing us to take her back to New York, with some guidelines from her insurance company. She must first go to an acute or sub-acute facility, which means a hospital that will accept her in her condition. She is non-weight baring, because she cannot walk on her own because of her hip injuries. They must heal for about 8 weeks more. Then she will be transferred to Burke Rehab in White Plains, N.Y. to undergo brain trauma therapy to stimulate her brain and return it to its normal state. In the mean time, she must have another operation to repair a tear in her urethra, while she is convalescing.
This is where the amazing six degrees of separation comes in. The facility that we hope will accept her in her condition is the Hebrew Home of New Rochelle. They have short term care for people like Tonianne. They are affiliated with Burke Rehab and will work with Burke to give her some brain trauma therapy while she is in New Rochelle. The person who will be accepting her, if all goes well, went to school with Tonianne at Our Lady of Victory. The person who will be in charge of her care at Burke is a very good friend of Tonianne and Geoff’s. We hope the person who will be taking care her at White Plains Hospital in NY is the daughter of a colleague of Tonianne’s.
This will all take place within a few days to a week! My question now is, is it Six Degrees of Separation or……God’s Hand at Work here? You tell me.

The Ups and Downs of Critical Care
Tonianne had a bad day yesterday, on Sunday; she could not respond to the simplest of commands, like opening your eyes, etc. Of course that meant that our family had a bad day. Today, (Monday morning at least), she responded to every command the doctor gave her. She still had to have a tracheotomy to stabilize her breathing, but at least, she is more alert to her surroundings. We were told that these are the ups and downs of critical care. Easy words to say, but hard to hear for a family waiting on every word of encouragement from her doctors.
St Mary’s advised us that they do not have the brain trauma therapy treatment Tonianne needs here. She needs brain trauma recovery treatment such as relearning how to talk and use her limbs, etc. The hospital and Geoff spoke about transporting her from Florida to New York; specifically Burke Rehabilitation Facility in White Plains, N.Y. That is one of the best brain trauma care facilities in Westchester County. The next step at St. Mary’s is to put her in a regular bed. They call this “Step Down” from critical care. That’s good news. The “not-so-good-news is that transporting her may cost as much as $30,000.00, for which she may or may not have medical coverage. Once again, the ups and downs of critical care.
Today is Wednesday, April 18, 2012, and I just returned from the Hospital. I cannot believe the progress Tonianne made in just 24 hours. Once off the breathing tube, the drugs were lowered to “as needed” for pain. Geoff, Margo and I visited her in the morning. We had her laughing, smiling, and giving us the “so-so” sign with her hand when asked how she felt! Her sweet, calm demeanor came through. She still cannot speak, but she made herself understood by hand gestures and head shakes. We showed her pictures of Abby and Jessie (their dog), and received great big smiles, and a little tears. The nurses advise that they hope to down grade her condition to another step-down. She is so remarkable; one of her nurses said that he saw patients with less trauma and injuries than she, succumb to their injuries. She is strong and determined, and she was in great physical shape before the accident.
This is Monday, almost a month after the accident. The doctors cannot believe the progress Tonianne is making. Although she responds to our yes and no questions, she is still confused as to the actual events and people that come into contact with her. We are hoping that the fog will lift and our girl will make a full recovery. She passed the “swallow test” , where they put food dye into applesauce. She ate the food, and then they tested the tracheotomy to see if any food dye shows up in the air passageway. It did not, so now they are trying to give her regular food. We are hoping that she will continue to make strides in her progress, and pray that soon Abby can visit her. She is sitting in a wheelchair for a couple of hours a day, and may be able to be wheeled outside soon. When all the tubes are out, we will bring Abby to see her. The nurses warned that her confusion may last a while. We just have to be patient, and pray that the fog will lift soon. Geoff’s goal is to move her to Burke Rehab to continue her recovery. They have a friend who runs the brain trauma physical program and will personally see to Tonianne’s care.
I must close this letter with a big Thank You to all who prayed, sent donations, and gifts for Abby to help her cope, while she is so far from home. She still asks for her Mom every night. I came up with an idea to help her stay close with her Mom. She has been wearing her Mom’s tee shirts to bed. This seems to calm her, somewhat. She misses her home, her friends and her family back home, but is a real trooper. I hope that we can all go home soon, especially Tonianne.

I was at Tonianne’s bedside Saturday, when all of a sudden she opened her eyes and looked straight at me. That was the first time I saw any recognition in her eyes. I leaned close to her and she stared right at me and started to cry. I asked her if she knew who I was and she shook her head. I immediately called her nurse, Paul, over to the bed. She looked at him with a blank stare and would not respond to him. I told him to watch her when I went close, and she did it again. I then asked Tonianne to look at Paul and do what he asks her to. She again shook her head yes.

He asked her to blink hard if she understood him. She blinked hard and slow. Then he asked her to wiggle each of her big toes when he touched them. She did. (I was holding my breath). Then he asked her to give him a thumbs up sign, if she understood. Her hand raised a little and the thumb was standing straight up. I lost it. I began to cry, and clap and praise God! That was the beginning of her recovery from her brain injuries. She continues to progress. They have taken her off all sedation medication, so she is in a lot of pain, but she can express herself now. The tubes are still in her throat for breathing and a feeding tube for nourishment, so she cannot speak.

It is going to be a long, hard struggle, but the doctors are confident that she will have a good recovery. She has metal plates in her hips and pelvis and her left arm, as well as a gash from the bottom of her neck in back to the top of her head, but once the staples are out, she will have a scar that can be covered with her hair.

I firmly believe in the power of prayer. Thank you for all your prayers for my daughter, Tonianne and our family. Please keep praying for her full recovery. Abby will have her Mommy back soon, but not soon enough for her.

March 24th, 2012 – Our lives have changed, in the blink of an eye……

My 41 year old daughter, Tonianne, came to visit me at my winter home in Florida, after my surgery for skin cancer.   She arrived on Friday night with my 4 year old granddaughter, Abby.   After a good night’s sleep, Tonianne decided to go for a jog.  That’s when our whole world shattered.

After she was gone for about 2 hours (so unlike her to leave her daughter for that long), I began to get nervous.  I called my cousin, Catherine, who lives across the street from me, to ask if Tonianne had stopped at her house as she was jogging.  I explained that it had been 2 hours, which was very unusual for her.  Catherine offered to take her car and look for her.  She came to my house about a half hour later.  She put her hand on my shoulder and said, “Tonianne was hit by a truck.”   She gave me the policeman’s card, and I called to find out what happened.  Our lives changed in the blink of an eye.

I found out that she was jogging alongside the road because there were no sidewalks.  A man lost control of his pick-up truck, when he dropped his cell phone and took his eyes off the road.  He hit her full force, knocked her up in the air and she landed on her head on the hood, and then bounced onto the grass.  Someone called 9-1-1 immediately and she was taken to St. Mary’s Hospital in Florida.  At this time, no one knew where she came from, or her name, because her phone was thrown from her person.  When I arrived at the hospital about an hour later ( I had to first find someone to watch her 4 year old daughter),  I was not allowed to see her because they were trying to save her life.  Those 2 hours, not knowing whether she was dead or alive, were the worst hours I spent in my life.  St. Mary’s Hospital has a wonderful Trauma Unit, where the doctors and nurses worked very hard to get her stable.  I think of them as “St. Mary’s Angels”.  They saved Tonianne’s life.

My daughter’s whole life flashed before my eyes while I waited to see her; from the day she was born, to her graduation from Iona College and her MBA at Columbia, to her wedding day, to the day she took her adopted baby girl home.   She had been the golden girl; she led the charmed life, with some setbacks, but she was always positive and happy; grateful for what she had.

Tonianne has had three surgeries so far.  Her injuries were:  an open book broken pelvis, two broken hips, a fractured skull, traumatic brain injury, with swelling and bleeding of the brain, a severely broken left arm in 3 places, and a broken foot.  She also sustained a lacerated kidney and urethra.  She required 4 units of blood immediately upon arrival to St. Mary’s and was listed in severely critical condition.  She has since required 2 more units of blood.  I asked the nurse the day after the accident if she was out of danger, and she said “No, I won’t lie to you.”  My heart sank and I began to pray; I asked everyone who asked what they could do, to pray for her recovery.  I wanted my daughter back, whole again, in body and soul.

Our whole family is on an emotional roller coaster, but the most heartbreaking of all is Abby, her 4 year old little girl, asking and crying for her “Mommy” every single night.  She cries in her sleep for her and without waking up, has to be consoled and held, before she calms down.  She is acting out and lashing out at everyone who is close to her, because she doesn’t understand, no matter how gently we try to explain to her, why her “Mommy” is not there.

Besides the emotional trauma we are going through, now we find out that the person who hit her had a DWI and only $50,000 in medical coverage on his auto insurance. This will probably not even cover the first day in the hospital.  Tonianne will be out of work for at least 6 months to a year; her husband Geoff had to leave his position as a teacher to come down to Florida to live, and still doesn’t know how he is going to pay for all the hospital expenses, when their coverage runs out.  He must still keep up with their bills so as not to lose their house.   He is incurring a multitude of bills because of one person’s recklessness behind the wheel of a truck.  It’s not fair.

Geoff found a private Pre-K program for Abby that would take her at this late date. She now has other children to play with during the daytime.  He is now trying to find a suitable summer camp for her.  All these things take money, not to mention the duplication of her toys, clothes, shoes, etc. to sustain her well being while she is in Florida.   Geoff never counted on being down here for six months, but that’s what he has to do.  That’s what Tonianne would do for him.

Although she is still not awake after 3 weeks, the nurses said that she can hear us, if we talk to her.  Geoff stays at the hospital from 8:00 a.m., till they ask him to leave.  He holds his wife’s hand and talks to her; he’s trying to encourage her to stay strong every day.  He is emotionally and physically drained.   When he comes back to the house, he sits in a locked room and cries his heart out every night, because the heartache is too much for him to bear.  Yet he must put on a happy face to read to his baby girl at night and answer endless questions about when her Mom is coming home.

In the blink of an eye, our lives changed.  These things aren’t supposed to happen to good people.  We are good people; we believe in God, we are kind to our fellowman, we love each other, unconditionally; yet, here we are, praying at the bedside of my beautiful daughter.  Praying that she will be well; praying that when she wakes up she will be the same Tonianne that we know and love; praying that she will remember us and most of all, her wonderful, loving husband and her baby girl, Abby.  Right now, all we can do is pray.

This Monday, I went to a Mohs surgeon for a small red spot on the bridge of my nose, to be removed.  I felt that it would be a fast little nick of skin removed, resulting in a small scab.  Was I surprised when the Doctor had to go back into the area five different times before all the cancer was removed.  I was awake through the 4 hour ordeal.  When it was over, I had a huge, oval hole in the middle of my nose and a slice from under my left eye, down to my left nostril, which was the result of a Squamish cancer cluster.  Then I had to go to a plastic surgeon to close the holes.  That was another 4 hour ordeal.   By the end of the day, I had a zipper down the whole length of my nose, and another one on the left side of my face.   I have two very swollen black eyes to go with my purple face. 

Now I know what ugly feels like.  I was no raving beauty, but I was confident with my looks for 64 years.  I don’t know how I will look in 4 months (the time the doctor says I will be back to “normal”), but I will be cancer free once again.  In retrospect, this is a small price to pay to know I am once again, cancer free. 

The way I figure it, God must have some very special plans for me, to allow me to cheat being taken by the Beast so many times.  I know that He watches over me, because every time I come close enough to look into the mouth of death, He pulls me back from the brink. 

I hope that I will be confident in my looks for the next 64 years; but if I’m not, at least I know that “Beauty is only Skin Deep”. 

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Best wishes to those who are in love with a significant other. However, to those who don’t have a romantic interest in your life right now, don’t feel sorry for yourself; don’t despair. I have found that romance is sometimes not all it’s cracked up to be. I was married for over twenty-seven years. My husband was married for about 7 of those years. I am now “Happily Divorced”. Enough said.

Getting divorced was the best thing that happened to both of us. I have never felt more appreciation for the inner qualities within myself. I have learned that I am a good, honest, warm and loving person. I have learned to love myself these past 15 years as no one else has ever loved me; and, I appreciate others more also. I cannot speak for my former husband, other than to say he is a good father and grandfather to our children and their children. For that, I have the greatest respect for him.

On this Valentine’s Day, please love yourself. Find your inner beauty and strength and celebrate that. If no one buys you a box of candy, buy one for yourself. I have; and I enjoyed every last fat gram and calorie it contained.

Things are moving right along down here in Fla. The week before last, I went to a Country western dance at my sister Pat’s complex. Now, those old timers really know how to whoop it up! Yeeeee Hawww! This is my kind of music. I danced until my bones ached, and then some more. I was full of aches and pains the next morning, but it was sooooo worth it.
On Monday, Catherine and I went to Margo’s grandparents’ (Vinny and Fanny) complex to see a variety show. It was sponsored by “Famous Faces”, an agency that is trying to promote their clients for hiring at different venues. I really enjoyed the day. I was hoping that my nephew Lou, who is an entertainer himself, could contact this agency and perhaps get some gigs on his off-season.
This past weekend, my son Cenz and daughter-in-law Margo came for a visit. These kids really know how to live. They flew down here for the weekend; two days! I had a party for 18 friends and relatives, so they could meet my son and his wife. These were cousins and children of cousins that had never met. Margo’s grandparents joined in on the festivities. It was a very nice day, except for the rain. I had fun taking the tables and chairs in an out all day long. But, we had a good time in spite of the rain. It was good to see my kids; I miss them.
My nephew Lou and his wife Cindy also surprised his mom (my sister Pat) with a visit. Unfortunately, they came in the afternoon my son left. They didn’t get to see each other. I enjoyed their visit, all the same. They left this morning.
On Wednesday evening, I went to my Cousin Dolores’ complex to play cards. We played Weeping Canasta, which is a spinoff of the original Canasta game.
Today, I will be going to my sister Pat’s complex to get my hair cut by one of her neighbors, who is a beautician. She does house calls. Although this is a boring rendition of my life for the past few weeks, do you notice a theme here? The theme is FAMILY. I am surrounded by family in Florida. I think that’s why I love it. I never see anyone in New York. However, I must admit, I don’t think I could live down here permanently. There is no place like home. This is Dorothy signing off. Good night TODO!